Tuesday, July 25, 2017

BIEBER DANCED AROUND THE BARRIO

Bieber danced around the barrio for all of his Colombian beliebers. The sun was shining and they were happy to forget about their poverty for a moment and enjoy the contortions of the famous american cherub. He danced more and more furiously, sweat pooling around him, then he burst into flame and rose into the sky, arms outstretched in a Madonna pose. The beliebers dropped to their knees and screamed. Justin let out a low guttural roar that shook the ground. The beliebers trembled in fear. It was unclear now whether he was an agent of God or Lucifer.

Monday, July 24, 2017

I COULD HEAR THE YOUNG LADIES GIGGLING

I could hear the young ladies giggling around the corner as they did their exercise bike photo shoot. Bronte pouted and pumped hard on the pedals of the exercise bike. All of a sudden it lifted off the ground and started levitating in the air. Maybe we should have been freaked out, but we just smiled to each other like "wow!", the way Sandy does to Danny when the car flies into the air at the end of Grease. She angled her body downward and peddled hard, and soon she was a tiny red leotarded blur in the blue sky. We waved at her and smiled. What things she would see in the air up there.

Friday, July 21, 2017

I DID THE THRILLER DANCE

I did the thriller dance right into the bank and everybody was so freaked out and terrified by my accurate rendition of the moves that they left their posts and I was free to pick through the money and take what I liked. I mostly took hundred dollar notes coz they can buy the most iced cream and other snacks, but I also took some fives because they are pink and I like pink. I slipped as much dough as i could into my waistband and thrillered out of the place, a little more gingerly this time because I didn't want the loot to fall out of my waist band. I was still terrifying though.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

I SHAVED A SHEEP

I shaved a sheep and put the wool all around my body and went with the other sheep to see what the sheep life was like. The shaven sheep put on my velvet jacket and white trousers and went into the city to take my place and see what the coburg budget decadence human life was all about. Raldy the cat could tell something was up, but all the other humans just believed it was me, such is the emblematic power of a purple velvet jacket and a pair of white trousers. Jorge poured the sheep a pisco sour and laughed uproariously. The sheep smiled. It could get used to this.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

I WORE A KEY AROUND MY NECK EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

I wore a key around my neck every day of my life. When i showered it would get lathered with soap. When I made love, it would bang against my partners chest. When I rode a bicycle, it would hang down and clang clang clang against the metal frame. My parents told me I'd been born with the key around my little neck, and some day I would find out what it unlocked. I found this story pretty spurious, but they were very stern parents and when I would smirk at this story they would grow even sterner. So I played along. I hoped it would open a safe deposit box in some Swiss bank that contained a fortune in rubies or the soul of Cleopatra or something. I really hoped it didn't open a locker in a gym that had held somebody's sweaty underclothes for 35 years.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

I DREAMED A DREAM WHERE I REFLECTED ON MY WHOLE LIFE

I dreamed a dreamed where I reflected on my whole life, but my reflections were in the form of cryptic poetry that I could not understand. I drafted in many eminent scholars to give their interpretations, but none of them seemed right to me. I baked the words into inflate blow up letters and put them in the ocean. They inflated and floated off. I took a tramp steamer across the Adriatic, did a little spice trading and regrouped in the Canary Islands. I waited there by the beach knowing that eventually the words would wash up on shore and I could view them in a new arrangement with fresh canary eyes, and maybe have a little insight into what this was all about.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

THERE IS A DISCO

There is a disco in the center of the earth where the mirror ball is made from screaming people and the dancers are made of mirrors and their reflections bounce off of one another and create a perfect beam of light that hits the DJ in the chest and gives her the power to select the perfect song for right this minute, and when it hits all the mirror dancers are filled with ecstatic tension, and at the start of the 5th bar all the mirrors shatter and chunks fly upward and become lodged in the cheeks of the screaming people ball.